Personality Test
George Washington - Guardian Supervisor (ESTJ) Mother Teresa - Guardian Protector (ISFJ) Albert Einstein - Rational Architect (INTP) Margaret Thatcher - Rational Fieldmarshal (ENTJ) Mikhail Gorbachev - Idealist Teacher (ENFJ) Eleanor Roosevelt - Idealist Counselor (INFJ) Elvis Presley - Artisan Performer (ESFP) Jacqueline Onasis - Artisan Composer (ISFP) Dolley Madison - Guardian Provider (ESFJ) Queen Victoria - Guardian Inspector (ISTJ) Walt Disney - Rational Inventor (ENTP) Dwight David Eisenhower - Rational Mastermind (INTJ) Thomas Paine - Idealist Champion (ENFP) Princess Diana - Idealist Healer (INFP) Charles Lindberg - Artisan Crafter (ISTP) George S. Patton - Artisan Promoter (ESTP)
The Dating Scene
Vignette 10: Dylan, an Idealist Healer (INFP)
By Dr. Lovegood

Dylan is a 32 year old Idealist Healer (INFP) with a string of failed relationships to his name. Many of these relationships have ended up in flames, and he's only had one or two which have ended amicably. His friends and family tell him he has a savior complex. Dylan is wondering if he will ever have a mutually satisfying relationship which can last longer than a year or two. He's getting worn out from the roller coaster of emotions he's been having.

Dylan is a counselor in a drug and alcohol rehab program. He's good at his job since he is a good listener, sympathetic, but firm. He's good at helping clients find small steps they can make which will start a snowball of successes. He is scrupulous about staying romantically unentangled with clients, but he has a tendency of falling for their sisters or friends. These relationships have been unqualified disasters. These women have done everything from cheating on him, maxing out his credit cards, having jealous exes come and attempt bodily harm, to conning him into all kinds of fiscal and emotional mistakes. More than once, he has had to file restraining orders against the women or their exes.

A typical relationship starts with Dylan doing a whole lot of listening to a woman's sob story about how life has cheated her, she just needs a leg up, and she knows she has a problem but if someone would just believe in her and help her _. His empathy kicks in. He's sure that this time he can really make a difference and help someone turn their life around. His detachment vanishes as he wholeheartedly throws himself into the relationship.

He's begun to realize that he isn't falling in love with a woman so much as he is needing to heal people. The relationships are inherently unequal and fundamentally unsound. He knows his family and friends are right when they say he has a savior complex. His desire to help becomes codependency. But what to do?

His first baby step was to decide not to date anyone related in any way with his work. The next step was to start looking for places to find stable women. The third was to try to hold off on falling in love until she passed a family and friends examination. Doing this, he met a woman named Dena at the gym. Dena is a hospital administrator. Dylan and Dena found they had common ground as they talked about the people they help. He loved her passion for her job. When he had a crisis at work, she was there to listen and make suggestions. He found it difficult to be in the position of receiving emotional support. He realized he wasn't quite ready for a relationship of equals, so they stepped back to being friends while Dylan worked on this with his therapist. At this point, he's about ready to try again and is much more likely to succeed.

Do you have advice for Dylan? Do you know or are you an Idealist Healer and can you give information about how other Healers have dealt with the dating game?

 

Temperament and Love

Dating
The Dating Scene
Rachel: a Supervisor *
Jayce: an Inspector *
Luis: a Provider *
Tiffany: Protector *
Courtney: a Performer *
Daria: a Composer *
Dantrell: a Promoter *
Stefan: a Crafter *
Traci: a Champion *
Dylan: a Healer *
Hoa: a Teacher *
Lashana: a Counselor *
Zachary: an Inventor *
Robert: an Architect *
Dimitri: a Fieldmarshal *
Elizabeth: a Mastermind *
First Date
Temperamental Love
Do Opposites Attract?
Birds of a Feather
Complementary Pairs (1)
Complementary Pairs (2)

Mating
Women and Romance
Men and Romance
Marrying the Mirror
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
That Lovin' Feeling
Care and Feeding
How You Annoy Your Partner
Fair Fighting (1)
Fair Fighting (2)
How to Argue With A...
Communication & Understanding
Temperamental Parenting
My Funny Valentine

Separating
Four Ways to Leave Your...
Affairs
Infidelity

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