Personality Test
George Washington - Guardian Supervisor (ESTJ) Mother Teresa - Guardian Protector (ISFJ) Albert Einstein - Rational Architect (INTP) Margaret Thatcher - Rational Fieldmarshal (ENTJ) Mikhail Gorbachev - Idealist Teacher (ENFJ) Eleanor Roosevelt - Idealist Counselor (INFJ) Elvis Presley - Artisan Performer (ESFP) Jacqueline Onasis - Artisan Composer (ISFP) Dolley Madison - Guardian Provider (ESFJ) Queen Victoria - Guardian Inspector (ISTJ) Walt Disney - Rational Inventor (ENTP) Dwight David Eisenhower - Rational Mastermind (INTJ) Thomas Paine - Idealist Champion (ENFP) Princess Diana - Idealist Healer (INFP) Charles Lindberg - Artisan Crafter (ISTP) George S. Patton - Artisan Promoter (ESTP)
How To Argue With A Mate
Part 3: Idealist Mates
By Dr. Lovegood

The wall between Idealists and others is the Idealist's values. The values which are critical vary from Idealist to Idealist. It is essential to find out what their core values are and either work with them or around them if possible. Taking an Idealist head-on on one of their most cherished values is a fast way to a pointless argument, not to mention stupid.

Overall, Idealists tend to be warm, accepting, compassionate, and kind. They want to get along with everyone and accept everyone's differences. They celebrate uniqueness. However, if you find yourself violating one of their core values, that soft marshmallowy exterior gives way to granite instantaneously. In the area of their values, Idealists can be as arrogant as Rationals and as inflexible and intolerant as Guardians and as defiantly resistant as Artisans at their worst.

If you find yourself suddenly hitting a land mine when talking to your Idealist mate, often the best tactic is to back off and ask them to tell you what they believe. Simply listen. Agree when you can and remain silent when you don't. After you have a good handle on what they believe, you can show how what you believe matches. Emphasize every area of agreement before approaching any differences.

Cameron (Idealist Healer INFP) and Noriko (Guardian Protector ISFJ) had talked about having a baby, but Cameron kept saying he wasn't ready. They were watching a program about elementary age kids failing in school when Noriko said that parents who couldn't make the commitment to make sure their kids did their homework shouldn't be parents. Cameron erupted, saying that there are more important things in life than homework, catching Noriko totally off guard. At first, Noriko defended herself, saying that parents are responsible for their children's education. After they calmed down, he began to talk about how his dad had been a drill sergeant, making everyone miserable over homework. He then went on to say that he didn't know how to be a dad because he didn't have a good role model. After many discussions, they discovered that their views on homework, free time, and many other parenting issues are probably quite similar. Cameron took a closer look at their friends and family members and found a dad who's a lot like himself. He's started asking him about different parenting situations.

Idealists often need more time than other temperaments to express their beliefs. They are likely to go over what they believe repeatedly with slight variations and adding new information until they have gotten in every essential point and until their partner has shown that they comprehend what they've said.

The best way to get around the wall for Idealists is to listen carefully, sum up accurately, and emphasize what the two of you have in common. Once the Idealist believes that they have been heard and understood and mostly agreed with, they are generally willing to discuss some differences. If you disagree too much for their comfort, making them fearful that the relationship is in jeopardy, most Idealists will revert to repeating their arguments over and over.


Temperament and Love

The Dating Scene
First Date
Temperamental Love
Do Opposites Attract?
Birds of a Feather
Complementary Pairs (1)
Complementary Pairs (2)

Women and Romance
Men and Romance
Marrying the Mirror
That Lovin' Feeling
Care and Feeding
How You Annoy Your Partner
Fair Fighting (1)
Fair Fighting (2)
How to Argue With A...
Guardian Mate *
Artisan Mate *
Idealist Mate *
Rational Mate *
Temperamental Parenting
My Funny Valentine

Four Ways to Leave Your...

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