"Our relationship would be so much better if only she was more like me..." How many times have you heard this sad lament from a friend or relative bemoaning their current (usually temporary) relationship woes? "We would be so much happier if he understood me better - he'd know just what to do or say without needing to be told...", are grumblings we've often overheard. In other words, people are saying a partner just like them would effectively read their mind and be the perfect mate.

Not only doesn't that happen, if it did most people would be bored and lose interest in the partner fairly early in the relationship.

Most of us end up in a relationship with a partner of a different temperament than ourselves. This is due both to statistics (Idealists make up no more than 15-20% of the population), and to our own temperament - we often look for people that bring new interests and excitement to our lives, and this means people that approach life differently than ourselves. As an Idealist, your partner may be another Idealist, but odds are they are an Artisan, Guardian, or a Rational. Here are a few pointers on taking the differences between you and your partner into account, and making the most of them in your quest for relationship bliss.

Rationals can be the most complementary temperament to Idealists. Idealist/Rational pairings can be highly satisfying relationships based on exploring the world of ideas. Imagining possibilities - whether romantic or pragmatic - and creating dreams for the future can represent the epitome of quality time for this pair. Idealists are often initially drawn by the intellectual gymnastics of their Rational partners. Rationals can be fascinated by Idealists' sensitivity and empathy for others. If you partner is a Rational:

• Rationals love to be seen as experts and approached for advice. They rarely lose enthusiasm for talking about their ideas for building and improving systems. If you have an interest, or at least enough knowledge to talk intelligently with them, in their areas of expertise, your relationship has a solid footing.
• Help your Rational partner to be romantic. Of all the temperaments, they are the least sentimental, so marking important dates (such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc) on calendars where they will not miss them will help keep them from letting you down on these occasions. Even though it is often hidden, Rationals do have a romantic streak - they just need your help uncovering it.
• Remember that your Rational partner is very utilitarian, and will often not even consider people's feelings when making decisions. Try not to take it personally if it is your feelings that weren't considered, but do discuss it with him or her in a non-judgmental way. Rationals are usually good about revisiting decisions based on new data, and your feelings are part of this.

Idealists and Guardians often make good pairs. Idealists can appreciate the Guardians' practicality and ability to deal with day-to-day matters that may interrupt the Idealists' dreams for the future. Guardians may appreciate the Idealists' sensitivity for others and their deep interest in their partner's success. Guardians are the most traditional partners - they'll remember birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that are important to you, but their "traditional" behavior may seem at times to you like stubbornness and inflexibility. If your partner is a Guardian:

• Be sensitive to their need to plan ahead, schedule themselves, and be on time. Time can be secondary to you behind attending to relationships, but if you told your Guardian partner you'd be somewhere at a specific time, it is important to them that you meet that commitment.
• Gifts are meaningful to your Guardian partner, but the amount of money spent is very important. It needs to be enough to show that they are valued highly but not so much that they feel resources are being wasted.
• To make a special or romantic occasion, plan things out in advance, taking care of all the details. Don't try to surprise your partner - let them know the plans in advance. Knowing that everything is already taken care of, they can relax and enjoy your time together.

Artisans may be the most opposite of the other temperaments to Idealists. While you are abstract in your communication and cooperative in your actions, Artisans live in the here and now, and are more concerned with results than following rules or smoothing peoples' feelings. Idealists are often initially drawn to Artisans because of their zest for life, spontaneity, sensuality, and sense of being in the present. Artisans can be drawn to Idealists by their sensitivity, empathy for others, and sincere interest in other' success. On the other hand, the Artisans' disinterest in exploring and discussing their own, and your, inner lives can leave Idealists feeling unfulfilled. If your partner is an Artisan:

• Enjoy the here and now. Artisans live for the day - Carpe diem! Artisans will bring out the best in your own sense of adventure, so have fun. Just remember, the Artisan is in the moment - you may assign more meaning and sentimentality to spontaneous events than they do.
• Develop your own set of Idealist friends with whom you can discuss and examine deep feelings. Your Artisan partner has much less need for this type of analysis, and may grow restless with too much of it. Artisans are concrete, preferring to talk about things that have immediate importance, not the "what could be" that you like to explore.
• Don't let your need for harmony cause you to always be the diplomatic partner who simply goes along with your partner's preferences when you have other desires. Artisans' natural mode is to "go for it", and you may often just go along rather than challenge them for fear of confrontation. Don't worry about it - challenge and negotiation are also part of their natural mode. Stay true to yourself, and make sure your needs are known - you'll both appreciate the outcome more.

If your partner really were just like you, life would be very boring indeed. So, celebrate the differences that add spice, understand the ones that would otherwise frustrate you, and let your relationship thrive. Vive la difference!