How To (Not) Annoy Your Partner
Part 2: You're an Artisan
By Dr. Lovegood
Many of our natural behaviors can end up annoying our partners when performed in the wrong time and place. Learning when and where to adjust
our behavior can improve our relationships without becoming someone different.
As an Artisan, you have a natural flexibility and tolerance along with a "live and let live" attitude. Fun and excitement are your game.
If your partner is a Guardian, they are much more concerned with doing things the right way and avoiding problems with careful planning.
You are likely to annoy them if you:
- Ignore or sabotage their routines and procedures.
- Can never have a serious discussion about important issues.
- Expect them to be as flexible as you are.
- Often do things on your own without checking in with them first.
If your partner is a Rational, you are both pragmatic. You are focused on what will work right now, and Rationals focus on what
will work in the overall scheme. While Rationals do appreciate Artisan high jinks and fun, they don't like to be distracted when they are in
the middle of a project. You are likely to annoy them if you:
- Make too many changes in their living conditions, food, clothes, etc.
- Are so focused on the present that you can't see the implications of their great ideas.
- Try to get them out of their heads and into the real world.
- Bombard them with too many concrete details.
If your partner is an Idealist, you probably have found that they are capable of deep thinking and unexpected insights into others and
yourself. Idealists are more sensitive to criticism than the other types, and don't bounce back as quickly. You are likely to annoy them if you:
- Try to get their heads out of the clouds and their feet on the ground.
- Treat them as gullible, easily influenced, and perhaps simple-minded.
- Ignore their visions of how to make life better for the people around you.
- Dismiss them as not facing up to unpleasant realities.
If your partner is also an Artisan, you can still easily annoy each other. Each partner may want to act like the irresponsible
playful child at the same time, leaving no one to take care of things like chores, bills, and the like. Since Artisans like to leave
options open, you may find it difficult to make decisions as a couple.
Roma is an Artisan, and her partner is a Guardian. She had begun to think that he was nothing but a big party pooper. Every time she'd
come home with a great idea, he'd say no or he needed to think about it. That squashed her enthusiasm. She's learned that Guardians need time
to transition from one activity to the next. She waits for the right time to talk to him and then gives him a chance to think it through. Of
course, it's obvious to her from the beginning that the idea was fantastic. Now that Roma gives him time, his enthusiasm has started to
match hers, and he comes up with his own ideas to make it even better. He doesn't always get on her bandwagon, but he does often enough to
keep her life exciting.
Kaleigh is an Artisan married to a Rational. She admires his intellect, but he spends all of his free time on the computer on his own project.
He doesn't even get paid for it. Kaleigh has tried everything she can to get his attention and is tired of being left out. One time she even
stripped in front of him while he was on the computer and began massaging him. He irritatedly pushed her away, saying he was busy. Kaleigh has
figured out that her best chances are before he gets on the computer or after she repeatedly asks him when he's getting off. He's also agreed to
one night a week of no computer which gives her his undivided attention. They take turns "hosting" the night, and he's come up with some unique
and romantic ideas.
Bronson, an Artisan, has an Idealist partner. He likes her belief in just about everyone, and her willingness to give everyone a chance.
However, he feels that he is a much better judge of character since she assumes the best of people. He's realistic enough to know that some people
are simply out to get you. She's always bringing people to him that she wants him to hire. Bronson has agreed reluctantly, but one of the people
made off with $5000 before being caught. Then they had a long talk about how each of them assesses people and found that each of them is gifted
in figuring out people's motives. She has some holes in her abilities and he has some holes in his. Over time, they've been able to work together
to spot people who are likely to rehabilitate well and avoid the con artists.
Rafe and his partner are both Artisans. They've enjoyed an easygoing, fun partnership. Over time, as their responsibilities and activities have
increased, they are finding that certain tasks aren't getting done. Each has assumed that the other would take care of particular bills,
RSVPing for weddings, and so on. This has caused a lot of frustration. Finally, they sat down and worked out who is responsible for what. Rafe
finds this amusing because they'd always sworn they would never use lists, but now they can see the value. Of course, being Artisans, the list
is very flexible. They often trade chores and leave some undone when the price isn't too high.
Understanding how your partner operates and making some adjustments in your own style can make life run more smoothly for both partners
and leave them with a more positive attitude toward one another.