The Dating Scene
Vignette 12: Lashana, an Idealist Counselor (INFJ)
By Dr. Lovegood
Lashana is an Idealist Counselor (INFJ). She is 21 and in her senior year of college, majoring in sociology with a minor
in computer science. She finished high school with almost a year's worth of college credits under her belt. She hopes to eventually
be an advocate for people needing aid from the government and other sources. She wants to help them get the most out of the many
different kinds of assistance available so they can gain skills so they will be employable.
Many of Lashana's friends and acquaintances come to her for advice in all kinds of areas. She has an excellent track record in
helping people and in correctly predicting future consequences. Some of her acquaintances get freaked out by her ability to "read their minds"
and "predict the future". The most common kind of problem she helps with is in the area of romantic relationships. She has helped many
people fix relationships, start them, and end them.
Lashana's problem is that she feels like she's always the bridesmaid and never the bride. Her friends and acquaintances seem
to have no problems finding dates or partners, but Lashana dates infrequently and seldom more than a few times with the same man.
Although she has a classic beauty, she's very tall and comes across as exceptionally smart.
Men are attracted to Lashana, but they have a difficult time approaching her. She's intense and serious. Although Lashana
doesn't care if a man isn't quite as smart as she is, most of the men do care. Her ability to seem to read minds makes them
feel exposed, even though she isn't that great in romantic circumstances at reading people. She doubts herself too much. She's
good at helping other people, but is rather clueless at helping herself.
Some of her friends told her that some men are put off because she's so serious. They offered to help her come across as more
approachable. Lashana wasn't too sure about that since she's afraid of being inauthentic, but she agreed to give it a try. Her
friends gave her a script for each situation. Lashana's awkwardness created some very funny situations, but she did realize that
some of the script actually was her.
When she found herself in social situations and felt very serious, she began to deliberately call on some of her newly
learned skills. It wasn't long before men became more likely to stick around to talk after meeting her and then asking for a date.
While Lashana will always be serious, intense, smart, and tall, she's learning to tone these characteristics down (except being
tall of course) to avoid scaring people off before they even get to know her.
Do you have advice for Lashana? Do you know or are you an Idealist Counselor and can you give information about how other
Counselors have dealt with the dating game?