The Dating Scene
Vignette 8: Stefan, an Artisan Crafter (ISTP)
By Dr. Lovegood
Stefan is a 26 year old Artisan Crafter, ISTJ. He's a police officer working night shift. He likes working nights
because most calls at night are serious. During the day, if someone calls in that a person has a gun and is threatening
someone, it could be a plastic cap gun. Stefan likes feeling that he's making his part of the world safer. He has gotten
to know a number of people on his beat and has talked them down from violence on more than one occasion.
Stefan doesn't have many problems in getting dates. He's kept his body in good shape and women see him as the strong,
silent type and view him as a challenge. The main problem from his point of view is that he really isn't very good at small
talk. When women ask about him, he's never quite sure what to say. He's afraid that if he talks too much about himself that
he'll look like he's boasting.
Although he can easily find dates, he seldom goes out with a woman more than three times or so before one of them
loses interest. When he has had longer lasting relationships, he's gotten similar complaints from his former girlfriends.
They complain that he's hard as nails and not at all sympathetic. Stefan thinks sympathy is for small children and wimps.
You make your own life and don't look for handouts from others. The girlfriends have also complained that he's uncommunicative.
Stefan agrees that he doesn't talk much. He feels he talks when he has something to say. Otherwise, why bother opening his mouth?
He's starting to realize that what draws women to him is also the thing that repels them. Women see him as a mystery, but when
they can't solve that mystery and figure out who he really is, they are uncomfortable and feel that the relationship is one-sided.
Also, he likes to tease and a number of the women have been confused by that, wondering if he's really serious.
Stefan is drawn to women who show their emotions easily as long as they don't have meltdowns. He admires their ability to
react appropriately. On his own part, he is very uncomfortable with showing any emotion. He feels fake and vulnerable when he
tries to let himself respond emotionally.
He hasn't minded playing the field, but now he wants to settle down. He knows that he needs to somehow address the issues
his former girlfriends have complained about, so he's looking at what he can do to communicate better. On the sympathy issue,
he would feel ashamed or annoyed if anyone offered him any, but he can see that others don't feel that way. He has seen where
a little sympathy has actually helped a person deal with a tough situation.
In terms of talking, Stefan knows he can do better by writing little notes to his girlfriend, finding stories about himself
that don't make him look like a braggart, and waiting until a woman knows him a bit better before he starts teasing her. He knows
that he has to let down some barriers if he wants to find a life partner, and he's ready to do that for the right woman.
Do you have advice for Stefan? Do you know or are you an Artisan Crafter and can you give information about how other
Crafters have dealt with the dating game?