The Dating Scene
Vignette 6: Daria, an Artisan Composer (ISFP)
By Dr. Lovegood
Daria is a 32 year old Artisan Composer, ISFP. She works as a firefighter. She's not particularly big, but she's
full of sinewy energy. She loves her job since she gets to help people and it's exciting. Daria enjoys the respect she
gets as a woman who succeeded in meeting a firefighter's standards.
Daria has had a couple of long term relationships which have turned out to be completely different in the end from
how they started. Both of her partners were very impressed by her strength and physical endurance. They loved her
spontaneity. Both of them admired her for being a free spirit, bound to no institutions or ways of thinking.
The two relationships started out by being fun romps, doing whatever felt right at the time and without regard to what
should be done or what anyone else would think. Daria loved this time in the relationships. Unfortunately, they didn't
last. Over time, the demands of work, family, and friends would start to intrude. She'd suggest a last minute getaway
only to be told that it wasn't possible. She knows it isn't always possible to pull off last minute ideas, but it was
disheartening to have almost all of these ideas rejected.
What really ended up killing both relationships, though, was something else. Over time, both relationships became
like tightening nooses. Her partner would say something she disagreed with, but she wouldn't say anything since she doesn't
like conflict. He would then assume she agreed and make decisions based on that. Her partners also seemed to view her as an
improvement project. Eventually they were trying to control what she ate, what she wore, and what friends she hung out with.
It always seemed so simple at first. Of course he was suggesting what she should eat because he cared about her. Of course
she wanted to wear what would please him and so on. When Daria got to the point she thought the noose was going to suffocate
her, she'd leave. This caught both men off guard. They really couldn't figure out what the problem was and Daria couldn't
figure out how to explain it.
Daria decided she needed to say her feelings up front and that she needs to be on the look out for people who want to
control her. She's in a new relationship where she is trying out these ideas. It's not going as well as she'd like. Anytime
her boyfriend suggests anything, she's looking to see if he's trying to control her. When he says they are only suggestions
because he loves her, she hears her exes. She's realizing that it's going to be hard to find a balance between being an
individual and being part of a couple. However, this man has shown willingness to wait while she works out a way to keep
her own identity while still being a couple.
Do you have advice for Daria? Do you know or are you an Artisan Composer and can you give information about how other
Composers have dealt with the dating game?